


Cas's Home.

by Slash_Is_My_Religion



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, M/M, Slash, annoying!crowley, realisation of love, understanding!sam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-20
Updated: 2013-11-20
Packaged: 2018-01-02 04:20:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1052443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slash_Is_My_Religion/pseuds/Slash_Is_My_Religion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cas has died and tells his story to Metatron. I haven't seen series 9, so set at the end of series 8, but years afterwards. Sassy!Castiel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cas's Home.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by SuperWhoLocked at Hogwart's fic: "Castiel's Story" on FFN. Sorry if you read this. And thanks.  
> Hope you enjoy and thanks forreading!

**"And tell me your story"**

These were the last words I heard before you threw me down to Earth. No. You wanted to hear my story. And you're going to. So sit and listen.  
Yes, I know I've changed. Being mortal for the rest of your life will do that to you. I've been told I'm... Sarcastic and cynical now. Sassy, even.

This probably isn't the tale you expected, Metatron. I think you hoped for something more... Action packed. Lively. Or, perhaps, you knew how my tale would end up. How ordinary and humble the Human life can turn out. 

Did you know I'd find a home, Metatron? A simple, plain home with a family, no less. My family.  
Thats what makes it special. My -sorry- our Father's creations take it for granted, everyday waking up to the same faces. In their souls, they believe it's a monotone existence, fraught with chores and routine.  
Yet, when you've been living for thousands of years as an Angel... The unconditional acceptance is a rare emotion.  
With my odd little family, of two brothers, a now-human Demon, a prophet of the Lord and Charlie, I had a home.

I guess my story starts with Dean.  
As it always would have.  
You can snicker now, Metatron, but at the time, I had no knowledge of his... Emotions regarding me. 

I remember, after I fell - which was the most excruciating pain I have ever felt, by the way. Imagine having your skin removed and then being pushed into a volcano. Then multiply it by a million millions - I woke up on the side of a road. I had no idea where I was, not that this was the main thing on my mind.  
My consciousness was... Lost, somehow. As if my vessel, sorry, being was just too big for it. The disoriented feeling didn't wear off for some time, and I recall a continuous thumping noise coming from my cranium.  
I later discovered that this was due to my lack of Grace; as a coping method, I was trying to find something to replace it with. I did manage to, but that comes later in my story.

Somehow, I cannot remember how, I got to the Winchesters. I.. I believe there was a car.. A road.. and.. A woman? But anyway, I got to the Men of Letter's "Batcave" I believe Dean called it once.  
I knocked on the door. It all seems so stupid now, knocking on the door. I hesitated; usually I would just manifest before them. Though I'd seen humans knock on the door before...  
Sorry, Metatron, I believe I'ma little off topic.

I didn't know how to react when Dean opened the door. What would I say to him? The most likely outcome I could conceive was that he'd slam the door back in my face. Heaven knows I'd deserve it.  
But he didn't. Being the true friend I'd always known he was, he embraced me. Shut up Metatron. Of course I hugged him back  
You don't understand the feeling of losing your Grace. 

But when Dean hugged me, I felt a similar feeling to the feeling I had when I was still an Angel. I do not understand why you look at me with such disdain. I was a human, and therefore, had human emotions.  
I told myself the same thing. I needed an excuse... Angels having - _showing_ \- emotions towards their human charges is, apparently, unacceptable. Though I had accepted my humanity, I hadn't completely come to understand it yet, so I didn't know how to control anything I... May or may not have felt towards Dean Winchester.

Well, we can both agree on that now! Everyone except us two, blind as we were, could see what connected us. 

 

I spent a few weeks in that bunker, coming to terms with my humanity. I know! I know I said I accepted it... But I kept forgetting to eat, drink, shower and go to the bath room. Everyone helped me, even the Demon Crowley, to an extent.  
(He practically chained me down to feed me, but he literally handcuffed me so I would sleep. I woke up with a moustache and glasses drawn on me. I fail to see how that is funny.)

The Winchesters rarely let me go on hunts with them; the still believed that Dean's "Baby in a trench coat" analogy applied to me.  
I hate to say they were right. I tried hunting alone and returned with a half dead vampire, slices down my neck and 2 broken ribs. Truly I cannot understand how my hunter keeps fighting, when the damage done to him by these creatures is extraordinary.

...  
Metatron, I honestly could not give two craps about "how funny this is". It was you who asked for my life story, and the majority of it is me and Dean "pulling our heads out of our asses" as it were. So suck it up.

I guess eventually, after about 4 or 5 months of... I believe Sam called it 'eye sex', he must have gotten sick of it.  
He forced me to admit to him and Crowley that I had feelings for Dean. That isn't a conversation I care to remember.

How did I know you'd say that?

Sam pulled me into a room; there were a lot of rooms. I wasn't sure which one this was. Crowley, the once-a-demon-but-now-thankfully-human, was leering back at me.  
"Cas. Our favourite non-Angel." I didn't respond. That ass monkey did it a lot. "What, no comeback from God? Cat got your wings?" He drawled to me. Again, I didn't deign him with an answer.  
Sam decided that the tension in the room should probably end. Before someone got hurt.  
"Cas, are... Are you okay? I mean, with this whole Human thing? Because God knows-" he stopped when I narrowed my eyes at his choice of phrase. "Sorry," he continued calmly, " force of habit. But it isn't easy being Human, even when you've been one for your entire life!" 

Crowley jumped on the band wagon, "I agree with the Moose. I'm sure you're handling this with all the grace you... Well, once possessed, but it must still be achingly tough for you." Innocent as I was, even I could detect the sarcasm enriching Crowley's voice.

I hesitated before answering. I'm sure they could see right through me, but I still had to try and cover my tracks.  
"I am completely okay. Sure, I'm disoriented and half of the Host of Heaven is looking for my head on a plate, but I am fine."

I was right.  
They easily saw through my bluff.  
"What about all these new emotions?" I thought I saw Sam smile slightly, but disregarded it. Yes, I agree. It was a bad idea.

I looked away from the odd pair before me, to gaze off into the distance. I thought I knew exactly what they were talking about. 

"What are you talking about?" I asked them. I figured it was better to feign innocence.  
I was wrong.

"Don't play games with us, my decidedly lacking in feathers, feathered friend. The puppy dog eyes you keep giving your hunter are starting to make me sick." Crowley's rough voice grew mocking. "I reckon if you just let him shag you - or shag him, I'm not discriminatory- our lives can go quietly back to normal."

No matter the effort I was going to to grow accustomed to their language, I still wasn't used to it.  
So I kind of spluttered and looked uncomfortable. They'd hit the nail on the head, of course, despite their course language.

"I... I-" I didn't know how to form a coherent protest that they'd believe. So I just stopped talking, staring shamefully at the floor. 

Sam must have noticed this, because he sent Crowley out of the room. I was so thankful to him; he was making me so uncomfortable. Somehow ai was okay with talking to Sam, but funnily enough, I was not about to talk with Crowley the former King of Hell about _feelings._

"Cas?" I'd ruined his and his brother's lives so many times, in so many ways, yet he still wanted to help me. Say what you will about Humans, Metatron, but these two are special.  
No, I don't have a 'thing' for Sam too. Now let me tell it.

"Sam... You are right. I want to make things right with Dean, I want to make him feel whole and loved. But I am no longer special..." My voice trailed off. I was so new at these human emotions, though I had grown to recognise my caring towards Dean as more than friendship. I couldn't praise what I wanted to say, at the time.  
Well, of course I can now.  
I'd have said that it was because I wasn't an Angel, I wasn't useful. Dean needed things to be practical or he'd throw them out. Especially if they became more trouble than they were worth. A former Angel in love with him, but unable to do anything because he doesn't understand would qualify as 'too much trouble' don't you think?

To my surprise, Sammy snorted. "Cas, he'll always find you special. Despite all that has happened between you two, don't you ever wonder why he's always forgiven you? Why he'll always forgive you?" He questioned, smugly.  
"He always did the same for you... I assumed he still considered me family?"  
He laughed upright. "Dean had it drummed into him to 'always watch out for Sammy'. My brother's feelings for you run deeper than blood, through his soul. He was distraught each time you were gone. Obviously, he didn't show it, he never shows anything. But, when he though no one could see, there was a torn expression on his face. I'm serious, it was like a crack in his eyes, as if he were made of glass." I was about to interrupt, so he continued quickly. "Then, when you came back... It was like his whole world had returned to him. He became the man he was before he even went to Hell. I'm actually a little envious of the place you have in his heart."

That exact expression on your face, Metatron, was the one on mine. 

No don't say it like that. Like having feelings is something to be ashamed of! It isn't. One of humanities greatest feats is their ability to love. That was our father's philosophy and mine too. I feel privileged that I was part of something that special.

Anyway, I couldn't respond to Sam, because Dean decided to grace us with his presence. He looked suspicious, and rightly so, for we _had_ just been discussing his human side. Which he obviously didn't want anyone to know about, cuz he'd spent so much time and energy pretending otherwise. 

I simply stood there and stared.

Knowing what I did, I couldn't bring myself to do anything more.  
I was not afraid. Stop saying that, I don't know why you keep saying that.  
I didn't want to scare him. I knew a side of him only his closest kin were knowledgable about. I had to tread carefully, incase I inadvertently forced the shell back up.

Sam left us. 

This didn't make things easier.

"You alright, Cas? You look like hell." Funny that, considering where he'd been. 

I still just stared.

"Uh, Cas? A hint from one Human to another, it's considered creepy to stare constantly at one another."

Well, that didn't stop me. I was searching his face for any signs of affection.

Well, no. I wouldn't say that. I'd say that he wasn't giving me the look of Death, so he didn't hate me. He was... Smiling.  
It made me feel happy that he smiled. He rarely smiled.

"So, was that an important meeting everyone but me got invited to?" He sounded irritated, like normal really. 

I decided to break my singular staring competition in favour of talking.  
Did I confront him about it? Should I? Or did I leave it, never to see what became of this, but not have to risk another lecture on human behaviour? They weren't very interesting, truth be told. 

If I was going to say anything, I should say it right away, right?  
True, I have been known for being a bit of a talkative Angel. Well, I was for an Angel.

"Dean, Sam told me something but I am not sure if you'd like it." I told him, hesitantly. I figured it was best to be cautious about this.

He looked at me sharply. "Whatever he's done, if he told you, he's gotta be able to tell me."  
I shook my head. "It wasn't something he's done. It... It was about... I can't tell you. It was privet, the deepest part of... someone's soul that I'm not sure if I have the right to know about. Sam does, but after all I've done... I'm not sure if I deserve it." I was looking a the floor again. I seemed to be doing that a lot recently.  
"Cas, tell me. Please." In that instant, I knew. I knew he loved me. The look in his burning green eyes whispered caring and affection.  
And, Heaven help me Metatron, I told him.

No, he didn't break down and admit anything to anyone. But he also didn't do the typical Dean Winchester trademark brushing it off, uncaring attitude, either.

He simply said "Yes."

And that was it.

From then on, things were pretty much the same as usual. Sure, Sam might have protested a bit less when Dean suggested I come on hunts. Crowley started the endless teasing that we all knew was coming; it was endearing actually. It was the only form of entertainment he was allowed (Sam said TV might bring back repressed memories) so we allowed it. 

I guess you're right. Our relationship was practically already there, just without the cuddling or sex. Not necessarily in that order.  
I don't know how to answer that question. It makes me uncomfortable and I'm not sure what you mean by "bottom". So I'm going to ignore you.

I think I died maybe 10 years after that happened? How was I killed?  
Oh. Well thats depressing. Killed hundreds of Demons, vampires and all the rest of it, to die of a car accident. Crap.

I think, maybe it was justice in a way. After all, I guess I had done my share of helping the Winchesters. I had died before, in... Interesting ways. But I had always come back. I suppose it's justice that the final time I died, it would be tragically boring.

What was that, Metatron? You want to hear more about me and Dean? What is there left to tell?  
We hugged. We kissed. We saved each other's asses. Fair enough, I guess there is more. But you'll have to wait for Dean's death, before you hear the dirty gossip.  
Everyone but us knew it was going to happen. Dean once told me that it pissed him off that, after years of eye sex and haunting looks along with blatant flirting, we still couldn't face up to it. 

I loved him. I still do. And when he gets his ass up here, though it hopefully won't be for a while yet, my Heaven will be where ever Dean's is. That's where I belong. That's my place in this messed up universe. 

So that's pretty much my story. Well, the interesting parts of it, anyway. I hope you enjoyed that.  
I suppose I should thank you, in some twisted way; if it hadn't been for your stupid curse, I would never have found peace.

 

_End_


End file.
